Onwards and Upwards

Day 2 (Monday)

Brekky was an apple and a banana. All was going fine until I just broke the fast in the late morning and had a coffee with sugar at the new workplace I was checking out. Surprised and disheartened at how quickly I’d bailed on the fast, I fell into a pit of no-self-control when I visited a friend at his place and had lunch with him. My Mum suggested that doing this 30-day fast is just setting me up for failure when I mentioned at home what had happened. I thought she might be right.

A long convo with a friend about all that’s been going on lasted til late tonight. He counselled me against doing this fast too.

Day 3 (Tuesday)

Felt convicted and went ahead with the fast. Breakfast went well, and it was an incredible morning of God’s presence being poured out on me! Joy joy joy! And love! It was amazing. But then I felt so loosened up I thought it was OK not to do this fast, so lunch wasn’t Daniel fast food, and then it slid downhill from there.

Day 4 (Wednesday)

Didn’t obey at all today.

Honestly — so far, this is pathetic. This is seriously messed up! It’s been hours since we ate dinner and I feel physically sick and in pain from being bloated — just like I did after lunch. God, please help me to want to get out beyond this moment! Please help me to continue down the road of repentance, not just pass through the gate but then circle back time and again!

I feel like a shell of a Christian — I look squeaky clean and pure on the outside, but inside I’m an absolute mess.

To be sure, I’ve never exactly found it easy to give up a lot of stuff when Jesus asks me to. It hasn’t been easy recently. But if I want Him with everything I’ve got, hunger after Him and the life He has for me, all those empty spaces will be filled with good things.

This is also worth mentioning. It’s from today’s entry in the amazing daily devotional God Calling:

“Remember now abideth these three, Faith, Hope, and Charity. Faith is your attitude towards Me. Charity your attitude towards your fellow man, but as necessary, is Hope, which is confidence in yourself to succeed.”

I wanna be hungry! I wanna have that hunger that sets me on fire. I want out of this cycle!Image

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