I’m a believer in Jesus, and for almost four years now my relationship with God has been severely damaged by a little cluster of issues that haven’t been dealt with. My heart has drifted away from putting Jesus first and choosing Him above other things. I’ve been struggling with an addiction and battling independence in myself, which surfaces specifically in the sin of gluttony, and also in other areas.
Basically, I’ve been really overly focused on food. It’s an emotional/spiritual addiction. Looking at my photo, you might think I’m insane to say that — maybe you think my real problem is that I should eat more! But the issue isn’t really about nutrition, and though I do eat more than I need sometimes, it’s not way more than I need. (I haven’t exactly gained much weight because of this issue.) The real issue is what food means to me. It’s become my god, and lust for it has been my fuel for a long while now. Pretty sad, frustrating and disheartening… But God has said through Him I can overcome!
I was inspired to start this blog by another blog I came across (http://thecovenantdiet.wordpress.com), which is being written by a Christian struggling with some of the same issues I’m struggling with. I’ve decided to start this blog because, honestly, nothing else has worked. I haven’t come to freedom after a long time and plenty of false starts. I need something outside myself to keep myself accountable, and to help me to see my thought processes objectively.
But the best is yet to come! This is my journey into surrender and freedom.
And why ‘Jacob’s Staff’ as a title? The Bible says Jacob wrestled with God, and God touched his side and put his hip out of joint. I imagine he had a limp from then on. Genesis mentions that when he was about to die he “worshipped as he leaned on the top of his staff”. Hearing Paul Young (author of the wonderful book The Shack) speak on this subject at my parent’s church here in Australia — along with a prophetic word from a friend — planted a desire somewhere deep down in me to walk with a spiritual limp like Jacob, in total dependence on Jesus. This image has really captured me. I want to walk in His strength, not mine — to lean on Him the rest of my life. I want my heart to be consumed with God again.